Trashy Celebs

So the world can finally stop obsessing about Star Jones and her homosexual ex-husband, Al Reynolds, and start obsessing about Star Jones and her new inappropriate boyfriend, chef Herb Wilson.

I don’t really know if Herb Wilson (and isn’t “Herb” a great name for a chef?) is really an inappropriate boyfriend, because I don’t know anything about him. He seems less gay than Al Reynolds (but really, the love child of Elton John and George Michael seems less gay than Al Reynolds, so, whatever) so that bodes well for the future of their relationship. I just have to wonder if it’s a good idea for a woman with a well-documented weight problem to be dating a man who makes his career from food. Is Star Jones that self-destructive? First, a marriage to a probably-gay man that was doomed to fail. Now a relationship with someone cooking all the time …. causing the failure of her gastric bypass surgery? I am worried about you Star Jones.

Actually my favorite part of this whole story is that it is like Alanis Morissette puked her own special brand of irony all over it. And Alanis Morissette irony is my favorite kind of irony. Dontcha think?

You’d think that someone would tell hip-hop star Akon that if he doesn’t stop manhandling his fans then pretty soon there won’t be anyone left to buy his albums and come to his shows. First he drags some kid onstage, picks him up, and tosses him back into the audience. Then he is filmed grinding on some 15 year old preacher’s daughter at a club in Trinidad and Tobago. And now, after crowd surfing out into the middle of a crowd at one of his shows, he decides that he no longer wants fans touching him, then pushes one woman off a camera stand and pimp slaps another one in the face. What a gentleman!

I read that Akon wrote a song called “Sorry, Blame It on Me” apologizing for the underage-humping incident. I can’t wait to hear the song he writes to apologize for this one … maybe something simple called “Gotta Keep My Pimp Hand Strong.” Congratulations, Akon, you are our woman-slapping Douchebag of the Week!

Oh how I love live blogging. Not only do I not have to go searching for some good gossip, I get to write fast and not edit myself, throwing annoying nuisances like spelling and grammar out the window. So why not live blog Sarah Palin’s address to the Republican National Convention? Lori has left the room to balance our check book, not able to stomach the lies and hot air. But I am a trooper so here we go.

9:27 - Rudi Gulliani is still yammering on with his intro. Luckily I just finished watching Project Runway and tivoed this bitch so fast forward here we go.

9:29 - What’s Tina Fey doing there? Oh wait that is Palin. SNL needs to bring Ms. Fey back to play her cause she’s a dead ringer.

9:32 - Those conservative fucks stop cheering and the hot librarian starts talking.

9:32 - Sarah Palin accepts the RNC’s nom to be VP. Did someone just do an Arsenio dog pound bark?

9:33 - Damn the woman’s section of WalMart sure has a strong showing in the crowd.

9:34 - Lori from the other room “She sounds like she’s reading Yertle the Turtle to a group of elementary school students.”

9:37 - Bristol and Willow and Piper are her daughter’s names and are also towns in Virginia.

9:42 - Palin says she’s just an average Hockey mom. You’re in the lower 48 Missy! It’s soccer mom here!

9:41 - Lori wonders if they gave Levi Johnston a gameboy to keep him busy.

9:43 - The delgates sure are screaming and cheering a lot for someone who’s not really saying anything.

9:45 - I was temporarily blinded by Cindy McCain’s dress. What shade of Satan’s vomit is that?

9:47 - If Palin goes to Washington she wants to leave this nation better than she found it. That actually won’t be hard to do.

9:47-52 A bunch of rhetoric about what she did for Alaska that the audience feels they need to clap for.

9:53 - Fuck the pine trees and snow bunnies! Let’s drill in AK!

9:55 - Oh boy. Here comes the Obama attacks - all low blows and nothing of substance or truth.

9:58 - I don’t think I can be funny anymore because I’m just mad now.

10:08 - I just uncurled myself from the ball of frustration and fear for the future of our country to hear the end of her speech. Palin ends by saying “if change is the goal we share than join our cause. and help America elect a great man as the next president of the United States. Elect Barack Obama! Oh fooey, my bad. I mean elect John McCain.”

I only wish I had kids who could idolize and imitate her!

Elton John and Lily Allen Clash at Awards Show

A visibly tipsy Lily Allen got into a profanity-laced verbal spat with Elton John onstage as the two hosted the GQ Men of the Year Awards in London Tuesday night.

As Allen introduced a segment as a “very special point in the evening,” according to the The Times of London, John questioned: “What, you are going to have another drink?”

In front of an audience that included Gordon Ramsay, producer Mark Ronson (brother of Samantha) and London mayor Boris Johnson, the 23-year-old pop star shot back, “F— off Elton, I’m 40 years younger than you. I have my whole life ahead of me.” To which the 61-year-old John replied, “I could still snort you under the table.”

Allen followed the exchange with a crude ad lib when 82-year-old Tony Bennett was presented with the night’s Inspiration Award. As John introduced Bennett, pointing out his age, Allen broke in, declaring: “I’ll still [have sex with] him.”

SOMEbody may have made this up, but it wasn’t me. I mean, I have, on occasion, been told that I have a sick and twisted sense of humor, but even my mind wouldn’t have come up with this one. Even my mind after I have watched a Jackass marathon and a John Waters film festival. Never never. Never.

People. People! PEOPLE! Are you ready for this? Are you ready? You probably aren’t ready for this, but I have to tell you anyway. The Mirror is reporting that the King of (Skeevy) Pop, Michael Jackson, is dating the Queen of (Skeevy) Short-Term relationships, Pamela Anderson. Yes! You heard me! YES! Michael Jackson and Pamela Anderson? WTF?????

Does that not make you want to take a shower? Scrub really hard with lots of hot water? I mean, Pamela Anderson and Tommy Lee were kind of gross because of that sex tape that got “stolen” and released, because, ew! And then she was married to Kid Rock for like 15 minutes (and in multiple weddings, like they were on some sort of wedding tour), and he was a huge douche and divorced her because she was in Borat. And then there was that seven minute marriage to Rick Salomon, Paris Hilton’s sloppy seconds. But Michael Jackson? For real? I mean, Tommy Lee is covered in tats and both he and Kid Rock look like they shower maybe once every couple of weeks. But Michael Jackson has the sort of filthy film that doesn’t wash off.

In case you’re bummed about the holiday weekend being over and are sitting there wishing it was Friday, I have the perfect cure. OLSEN TWINS DANCE PARTY! They do it all the different ways.

Seriously, who thought this was a good idea or would let their kids do these skankalicious moves? I’ll bet this video can be held personally responsible for skinny jeans and middle school blow jobs. I know that’s gross but I’m just saying.

Here’s a new sort of celebrity rehab story …. David Duchovny, best known for his role as Fox Mulder on The X-Files, has entered rehab …. for sex addiction. OH MY MY MY.

David Duchovny has entered a rehabilitation center for sex addiction, his lawyer, Stanton “Larry” Stein, tells PEOPLE exclusively.

“I have voluntarily entered a facility for the treatment of sex addiction,” the actor says in an exclusive statement. “I ask for respect and privacy for my wife and children as we deal with this situation as a family.”

Duchovny, 48, has been married to actress Téa Leoni since 1997. They have two children, daughter Madelaine West, 9, and son Kyd, 6.

They tried to make him go to rehab and he said, “Yes. YES. OH YES YES YES!”

Rachael Ray blew a gasket or two at the Union Square Village Market when she saw some veggies that weren’t to her liking. For a full 10 minutes all the perky mogul could do was scream out YUCK-O instead of her usual Yum-o. But it is New York so people did what they normally do when a nut job goes off in public, they ignored her.

Mark Schwahn is apparently the guy who came up with that show that no one I know watches, One Tree Hill. I don’t even know enough about him to know if he is a Trashy Celeb. Is he? Let’s find out together.

Well, judging from that photo, he does seem a little douchey. I mean, that hair? Come on. It is so very Peter Horton-1990-thirtysomething. That’s one point to “Trashy.” He also is responsible for putting that dork with three names Chad Michael Murray on television. Another point to “Trashy.” He also wasted 40 seconds of my time with the following YouTube video, touting the new season of One Tree Hill (which for some reason I keep confusing with Men in Trees even though I don’t know what that one is about either.) I have no idea what he is talking about here, but maybe you will:

So that is THREE points for Trashy, no points for Not Trashy. And what is up with that extra “H” in his last name? Okay that is FOUR points for Trashy. And since first to five wins, well, then there is no way Not Trashy is going to win. But from my less than five minutes of internet research on Mr. Schwahn, I have found one BIG point in the Not Trashy column …. he is responsible for getting the awesome Barry Corbin back on television. Barry Corbin! John Travolta’s Uncle Bob on Urban Cowboy! General Beringer from Wargames who offered to piss on a spark plug!

So here’s the wrap up …. Mark Schwahn is officially a Trashy Celeb. But he’s also redeemed because he’s a friend of Barry Corbin. Remember how Quentin Tarantino single-handedly revived John Travolta’s career with Pulp Fiction? Well, this is totally the poor man’s version of that. Welcome to continued success, Barry Corbin! At least on the CW!

So the 24-hour Beijing channel is now gone so what will we do? Watch the 24-hour Democratic National Convention channel of course. Yes, we tried to look over the HUGE head of Wolf Blitzer to try and watch some of the speakers they were talking over but thankfully they shut the F up during Ted Kennedy (he lobes us gays and we lob him back).

All in all it was probably for the best because of the speeches I saw, they were pretty boring. No mention of the war, the economy, the gas sitch but maybe they’re just trying to ease us into that stuff. The most exciting part (save the ladies in the over-patriotic vests) was the little sound-o-meter on the left hand side of the screen. Just in case you don’t know who’s popular and who sucks the wind out of the room. That little device told you how fired up the crowd was.

But the very best part of the night came after Michelle Obama gave the keynote address and then brought she and Barack’s two adorable daughters Malia Ann and Natasha out on stage. After waving to the crowd Barack popped up via satellite from some random couch in Kansas City, MO. Despite the screen graphic saying Kansas City, MO Barack addressed everyone by announcing he was having a nice visit with this family in St. Louis. The family kept smiling not wanting to embarrass the next president of the US with a small mistake but little Natasha wasn’t going to let her dad off the hook.

“What city are you in Daddy?” the seven year old said with a smirk. “I’m in Kansas City sweetheart,” replied Barack probably not noticing his mistake. Hmm, maybe it would take more seven year-olds in politics to speak the truth and keep it real. Don’t you agree?

Michael Phelps.

Well the big sister/godmother/auntie/mama bear that lives inside of me sure came screaming out when I saw THIS video clip from a Jesse McCartney concert. WTF??? I am ready to grab that microphone and smack him upside his head. Just watch and see if YOU aren’t shocked and outraged as well.

Okay, so I don’t know just how old that girl is, but I do know that she is NOT EIGHTEEN. She is YOUNGER than EIGHTEEN and while I have no problem with young Mr. McCartney bringing a fan onstage and singing to her (it’s sweet in theory, really) I do have a problem with him getting ALL UP ON HER JOCK like that. There should be an invisible BUBBLE there on that stage, Mr. McCartney, safely surrounding that girl, and you should stay well out of it. She has her dance space, and you have yours. You are not Janet Jackson

You sing her the song, from at least five feet away. Then you give her some flowers and a quick, platonic hug, MAYBE a kiss on the check. Then security hustles her offstage to where her mother and VERY LARGE MUSCULAR father are waiting and she promptly texts all her friends to tell them what just happened. You do not give her a lingering hug which leads to her RUBBING YOUR BACK onstage in front of a gazillion other tweens who now want to RUB AN ADULT GROWN MAN’s back as well. WRONG WRONG WRONG. I used to approve of my nieces listening to your music and thinking you were cute but now I am glad that they are OVER YOU because that means I won’t have to attend one of your concerts with them toting a BASEBALL BAT.

Why yes, I am known as the overprotective auntie amongst my friends kids. Why do you ask?

Oh girl, Madonna’s Sticky and Sweet Tour is about to kickoff this weekend and boy does she require a lot of crap. Not that we’re complaining. If she came out with just a guitar and a stool we wouldn’t have shelled out 95 bucks a ticket.

Madonna, currently putting the finishing touches to her fabulous new Sticky & Sweet Show in Cardiff, is readying herself and the 250 traveling personnel for the opening night this Saturday at Cardiff’s Millennium Stadium. The show features 16 dancers, a 12 piece band, more than 8 costume changes for the lady herself. We can’t wait!

In anticipation of the first show on Saturday, Madge’s publicist has just released this most amazing list of stats and info on the new world tour.

It states:

“3500 Number of individual wardrobe elements for tour

653 Hours of rehearsal time for Madonna and band
Read the rest of this entry »

Aw, Mister Peepers just got married two months ago and he’s already being dumped. And you can’t say that his wife is just a gold digger, because I can’t imagine that he’s got all that much money. How well is The Best of Chris Kattan selling these days anyway?

And “New” Kid Donnie Wahlberg and his wife aren’t “Hanging Tough” anymore.

Wahlberg and wife Kim Fey gave us evidence of their communication problems when BOTH filed for divorce recently, citing the totally overused and completely cliche “irreconcilable differences,” (also an feature film starring a young Drew Barrymore as a girl who divorces her parents, but I digress). No one seems to have much to speculate on with this divorce anyway …. even the National Enquirer didn’t care enough to make up some crazy ass reason why they are splitting up. And if the Enquirer doesn’t give a damn, well then I don’t give a damn either.

So you’ve probably heard this by now but Ellen Degeneres and girlfriend Portia de Rossi were wed in a ceremony at their Beverly Hills home Saturday night.

Ellen kept it real…real small by only inviting around 20 friends and family and no celeb guests at all. The wedding wasn’t a huge shock since the day after the California Supreme Court struck down a ban on gay marriage by ruling it unconstitutional, DeGeneres announced on her talk show that she and de Rossi were planning to tie the knot.

source

We’re really happy for Ellen and Portia and while Trashy Celebs were not one of the 20 folks in Beverly Hills this weekend, we were at a gay wedding ourselves on Saturday night. Our two dear friends and former STL neighbors tied the knot down in Asheville in a super sweet outdoor wedding. While they’re not celebs, they do love Hollywood gossip. So ladies you’re probably not reading this from your Honeymoon trip but we wish you all the happiness in the world and are so happy to be your friends.

Anyway, enough sweetness. We’ll return tomorrow with reports about someone flashing their lady business in public or getting arrested for fellating an underaged drunk squirrel.